UnderTheBridge" pid='28628' dateline='1540307963:
knowstigma" pid='28469' dateline='1540156023:
Well what are you running if anything. Also, somebody asked if you are feeling depressed. Any issues with the change in seasons? Lots of times we do not realize we are depressed until we sit down and talk to somebody about it. I work in the mental health field and so many of my clients, especially men, for whatever reason do not want to admit that they might be feeling down/depressed. Its pretty silly sometimes.
Just 50-100mg cruise ATM. Yes I definitely get seasonal depression, I hate winter. But this is a year round thing I experienced and always have been. I tried all the SSRI’s but they killed my motivation to where I wouldn’t even want to do anything so I stopped taking those. I have an addy script 15mg twice a day and it doesn’t even help w the brain fog/energy.
What about bipolar disorder? It is one of the most under diagnosed and most missed conditions that we have. So many people have it and they do not get the proper diagnosis until years later. Your symptoms do match. It also tends to get miss diagnosed as depression and/or ADD. Also, we tend to have wounds that are subconscious that we do not realize until decades later.
Do you ever feel like you are on a roller coaster? Ever feel like super happy and confident? Sometimes emotional regulation issues can masquerade as Seasonal Affective Disorder. What have your relationships been like (not just romantic)? Substance abuse issues ever? Compulsion? These are questions to think about, I am not asking you to answer them.
So for many many years I thought I had ADD and I still might. My parents were big hippies (I am named after a Grateful Dead song) so they did not want to put me on medication. This led to me undergoing like two weeks of testing when I was in the 2nd grade and I was diagnosed with ADD. This was before ADD became a catch all diagnosis as well.
Fast forward to decades later and it turns out I have PTSD. I cannot tell you the amount of professionals I saw that just missed this. I myself did, despite working in the mental health field myself. As soon as I was diagnosed with PTSD and that was addressed, my brain fog cleared up. Adderall was fucking me up big time by the way. I hated taking it and I’d say I spent more time off of it during my life then on, but my most recent try with it was about two-three years. I had a meltdown at work (like I said, I work in the mental health field, its not a fun time for us due to budget cuts). Adderal for sure contributed to it. I was taking it as prescribed but it allowed me to try to physically push through stuff that I needed to address immediately. I was taking my TRT dose at the time as well. So it wasn’t gear related. I wasn’t abusing or self medicating in any way either (I did that for years and years, it got bad but I thankfully survived and manage it now)
Nowadays my energy is much much better. I actually cannot take SSRIs due to other mental health shit I have going on. They make my condition worse. But there is medication that works for me. However, I also put in the work via therapy and lifestyle. This includes really cutting back my gear use as well. Also means that I cannot take certain compounds.
My main point is, there are so many things going on inside of us that we do not know about or cannot realize. We can also be conditioned to think certain things, like me saying “well I have depression, GAD and ADD” to myself and also medical professionals when its only partially true. As soon as I got my correct diagnosis, so much shit that I had done made sense. It was the best and worst revelation I ever had in my life.
It could be so many things and I guess the best way to start it is by ruling in and ruling out certain things. Try to make changes and see if they help or hurt. Oh yeah, at the end, Adderall wasn’t doing shit for me motivation wise. Sure, it would give me energy and shit at times but I did not like the person that I was on when on it. The doctors really really fucked up on that one. The last doctor that gave me my adderall script could probably be sued for malpractice by me, but she also helped saved my life at least once so I wouldn’t do that to her.
I am sharing all of this to let you know that you have hope. It might sound somewhat trival to most, but I know what it feels like to have no motivation and fatigue. Its fucking scary. Its also frustrating because you want to do things but you cannot. Sometimes other people (especially loved ones) will think we are being “lazy” and that can really fucking hurt.
Ultimately, asking people on the internet can be a great start but we cannot really do much for you. What I will say is that 9.5 times out of 10 that things will not clear up on their own. OP, you are already taking action to help yourself by starting this thread, but there isn’t going to be a quick fix.
By the way, I am writing this because you are far from the only person that is dealing with this issue. Others will read this thread, so some stuff is written for them. You just have the courage to start talking about it. Others aren’t there yet.